via The Self Publisher.
Holly today
Hi everyone, still not up to posting much sorry 
Can’t believe that in six days it will be a month since mum died. Gone fast but also feels like forever. Just wish I could see her one last time, or talk to her, tell her how much I love her.
It’s Autumn here in NZ. Mum’s favourite season. Holly and I have been out and about walking every day, mostly to keep my mind off things and to get us both some fresh air. Took this shot today of some beautiful coloured trees
And this shot of little Miss Holly rolling around the lounge. She’s such a happy little thing, always smiling. She’s the only thing keeping me sane some days right now, when I’m missing mum so much I can’t breathe
I guess I should update you guys on the book as well. Sales have slowed. I’ve sold 8 books so far this month. I just don’t have the time or energy to promote it actively at the moment. But I will again one day. Mum loved my writing and believed in me and I want to make her proud.
I really want to get going on the next book. It started with a bang and then after mum died I haven’t been able to give it any time at all. I think it will help me to get writing again. A distraction. A way to pour some of these feelings out and onto paper. Karl has said he will take Holly for an hour at night so I can get some done, so that’s nice. As much as I love breastfeeding, I wish I could indulge in a wine or two at night! It really gets me in the writing mood. You know what they say, you either write because you drink, or drink because you write.
Keep safe everyone x
Today REALLY sucks – although I just found something that made me feel a tiny bit better
I’m having an obviously crappy day (it’s Mother’s Day here in New Zealand). Trying to avoid the TV and all things that remind me of what we’ve lost less than three weeks ago
Cried pretty much all day yesterday Wept and wept and wailed. It’s just not fair. What’s making it worse for us is that we still don’t know why mum died. The post mortem came back with ‘No obvious cause of death’. They are still doing some further small tests which we won’t have results from for a few months, but we just want to know why mum died? Surely if it was a heart attack the post mortem would have picked that up? It’s just senseless and stupid and bullshit and so NOT FAIR!!!
I’m also trying to remind myself that, yes, it’s the first Mothers Day without mum, but that it’s also my first Mothers Day with Holly, and that should be celebrated in some small way. I am so unbelievably grateful and happy to have her in my life. Just spending the day quietly with her, enjoying her smiles and giggles and smothering her with kisses and love. Her personality has really started to emerge. She can be a stroppy wee thing if she doesn’t get her own way (at six months!!! god help us when she’s older!!!) She can now roll over, and over, and over again until she’s miles away from where I put her down. She claps her hands on demand, something that mum actually taught her. Every time mum came round (every day or second day) she would sing this little song to Holly,
“Clap hands, Clap Hands till Daddy comes home,
With his pockets full of plums
One is yellow, one is red,
One as big as Holly’s head”!
And while she would sing it she would clap Holly’s hands together. The week before Mum died Holly started to clap her hands, but for Mum only, wouldn’t do it for anyone else. Since Mum passed away she’s now started doing it all the time. Thinks she’s pretty clever too (which of course she is). We say ‘Clap hands for Nanny’ and she does it. At the funeral she saw the photo of Mum up on the big screen and started clapping, which was a nice little tribute. Now for the rest of Holly’s life whenever she claps her hands I can tell her that her Nanny taught her how to do it. I like that.
A small bright spot today – I just found this lovely and honest review of Charlie and Pearl. I really appreciate her buying the book and taking the time to read and review it. Click either on the word review or here Charlie and Pearl – Tammy Robinson to see what she had to say.
Mum was a HUGE supporter of my writing. She was proud of everything I’ve accomplished thus far, and she also believed that there are greater things to come. I hope I can prove her right and make her proud.
I Love you mum, to the stars and back, always and forever. Happy Mothers Day ♥
Goodbye mum (A photographic tribute)
Hi guys,
Sorry I’ve neglected this blog the last couple of weeks. Just haven’t been up to writing anything since mum passed away. Still doesn’t feel real. I still can’t believe that I will never see her again Breaks my heart.
This post is pretty random. I just wanted to share some thoughts/memories about mum and some photos.
She was only 58 and in really good heath. Had been going to the gym for the last year and a half and had really improved her diet.
She was really enjoying life and was so good at ‘not sweating the small stuff’. Loved her grandchildren and her family and made us the most important thing. She took Holly and I to doctors appointments, plunked etc. Whenever we needed her she was there.
She was the eldest of five children, with three younger brothers and a sister. My dad is from a family of six children, so we have a big extended family and all pretty close.
She and my dad have known each other since they were 13, and have been a couple since they were 16. This November was to have been their 40th wedding anniversary.
My dad in the middle, mum on the right, and a friend.
They married in 1973 and my brother was born at the end of that year. Three years later they had my sister and I (twins). Mum didn’t find out she was pregnant with twins until she was eight months gone, and when she freaked out the doctor offered her a cigarette to calm her down! Times have changed.
My beautiful free spirited mum ♥
My mum was a very bubbly, happy person. She enjoyed a laugh and was very kind hearted and caring. For my sister and I, mum really was like a best friend as well as our mum.
Mum was very strong willed, a trait she inherited from both Nanny and Granddad. There was no dominant one between her and dad, they were both very much passionate equals. Mum could stomp her foot and throw a temper tantrum with the best of them, a trait passed on to me and which Holly is showing early signs of inheriting. She’s only six months old but she can be quite stroppy, a behaviour mum loved to encourage and then laugh at, karma she said.
We’ve always been close but even more so since Holly was born. In the first few weeks after her birth my mum would pick up Holly’s dirty baby clothes every day and return them freshly laundered and smelling divine the next morning.
I can’t believe that I won’t see her silver car pull onto my front lawn and her face appear at the French doors and watch her light up like a Christmas tree when she sees Holly, who starts wiggling like a little mad eel when she sees her Nanny. I won’t be able to listen to mum say “Just a quick visit, I really need to go and do some work” over and over for two hours as she plays and cuddles Holly because she just can’t tear herself away.
Growing up mum was a wonderful, nurturing mother. All the other kids used to tell us that she was so young and pretty, which mum loved to hear. Her and dad gave us a real idyllic childhood, took us camping, hiking. We explored beaches, mountains and the bush as a family.
Mum loved her gardens. She gardened in the rain, mowed the lawns in the rain, picked mushrooms in the rain, even watered her gardens in the rain. She was happiest when she’d been able to spend some time in her magnificent gardens. She made Christmases magical.
Mum and one of beloved black Labradors, Poppy
She liked to fish, could pluck a duck, and, as my dad is a hunter, she learnt to cook all manner of wildlife over the years.
She liked to travel
She was a devoted and dutiful daughter, a treasured and deeply loved wife and mother, and an adored Nanny.
We love her so much, to the stars and back a million times forever and ever, and we will miss her more than we could ever say. Her passing has ripped a huge hole in our family and we are devastated Love you always mum ♥
A sunset shot of mum, dad and our black labs
Devastated and can’t stop crying :-(
On Monday my beautiful mum was taken from us suddenly and unexpectedly. She was only 58. It still doesn’t feel real, and it is so unfair!!!!!! I want my mum back so bad. She was the best mum and the best Nanny to Holly. She was with me when Holly was born and saw her almost every day and they adored each other.
I can’t believe she is not here anymore. I can’t believe she isn’t here to help guide me raising Holly and it’s driving me crazy all the things she will miss out on. I want her back please Please please please please please please bring back my mummy
Aww look what you guys did!
With all your help I’m now ranked #2,677 in the Contemporary Romance Category 
Don’t ask me out of how many, but as it’s Amazon and I’m feeling fab I’m choosing to believe there are a trillion zillion others in the same category. Which makes me pretty high up!
If you haven’t already and would like to help me rise up the ranks even further (oh great, a new addiction for me to check a dozen times a day!) then please click on My Author Page below to go to my Author central page and click ‘Like’ on the right hand side of the screen. ♥
In other news, the cat has been fighting again (he thinks he owns the vast majority of this neighbourhood rather than just our yard) and has a rather nasty looking wound on the back of his neck Fingers crossed it’s not going to come to a Vet visit, as the last one cost over $600, (our black labrador got shot in our backyard and nearly lost an eye) and we just don’t have anything like that kind of money! We’ve bathed the wound in salt water and smeared it in antiseptic cream. Will keep doing that for a day or so and see what happens. Hopefully it heals nicely without the need for medical intervention. Wish us luck!
Obbie playing Hide and Seek under the duvet
Get your glad rags on!
Karl, Holly and I had a photo shoot (Oo-er, that sounds rather glamourous doesn’t it?) the other weekend at my parents farm.
I got dressed up in my wedding dress from 6 years ago and Holly wore a cute little dress my granddad bought her.
You guys seem to love my little precious girl so wanted to share the photos with you, so If you want to check them out click the link above to my other blog
My Guest Blog post is up, and can you please take a second to help me out? :-)
A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that I’d been asked to do a guest blog post for the website thegoodwebguideuk. Well I did it and now it’s up!
You can read it here how blogging enriched my life
And while I have your attention, it’s come to my attention that the more ‘Likes’ you have on your Amazon author page the better rank you have and somehow this helps (don’t ask me how, you know I’m not very good with all things technical) you sell more books. So can you pretty pleeeeeeeeeeease take a second to go here Tammy Robinson and click the “like’ button on the right hand side of the screen? Holly and I would be ever so grateful
It’s Awards Season! *Squeal!*
When I think of Awards I think…Red Carpet. Fancy Dresses. Limousines. Golden Statuettes. Ooh and Goody Bags of course, Lots and Lots of Goody Bags.
Sadly, none of those things apply here.
Still, I am very excited about these awards. You see I get such a thrill every time I check the stats of this blog and see that people from all corners of this beautiful planet (yes I’m aware the earth is round, you know what I mean) have stopped by to read/comment/like something I’ve shared. It amazes me that I have had, in nearly three months, over 500 ‘likes’, 311 Comments (to be fair I’m pretty sure this number includes my own) and 388 followers.
Wow.
I have also over the last couple of months been receiving nominations for blogging awards. Aww shucks. I am DEEPLY ashamed to admit that I have been crap and completely broken every rule that comes with being nominated for said awards. I’m hanging my head in shame as I type. I blame Holly of course, my little bundle of time sucking cuteness. What with bowing to her every beck and call, trying to keep the house from looking like a complete rubbish tip and in any spare seconds left over attempting to squeeze some writing in, It’s all I can do to remember to change my knickers some days, let alone sit down and write lengthy thank you blog posts. It’s been eating me up slowly though, I hate feeling like I’ve let anyone down, so here it is. One BIG post acknowledging all award nominations, a few interesting (depending on your point of view. Another word could just as easily be boring) fun facts about myself and a mention of a few blogs I happen to love. This last one terrifies me because it’s (1) 9.00pm at night and I have been up since 4.30am, and before that got a sum total of about 4 hours sleep, and (2) My brain is still addled from baby hormones (my excuse) and sleep deprivation (clinically proven). So if I forget to mention a blog I am sorry, and will amend this post just as soon as I remember you.
OK. So the following blogs have nominated me. Award picture first and the blog(s) that nominated me underneath that. Make sense? Hope so!
The Liebster Blog Award
The Very Inspiring Blogger Award
The Perks of being an unpublished writer
The ‘I am part of the WordPress Family’ Award
michelledicken – And that’s all she wrote!
Thank you to all of the above for the nominations
Now, some stuff about me. Um. These are all completely random facts that I’ve sat here and thought up. If there’s anything you’d like to know in particular feel free to ask me!
1) I have a twin sister. I am the eldest by 6 minutes, which makes all the difference in an argument let me tell you (that’s sarcasm in case you can’t tell)
2) I have been obsessed by the Titanic since I was ten years old and read a book about it in the school library. I now have a huge collection of Titanic books and other stuff, including a framed piece of coal recovered from the wreck.
3) As well as the Titanic I am intrigued by all major passenger liner shipwrecks, such as the Andrea Doria, Empress of Ireland etc. This freaked my mother out no end when I actually went to work on cruise ships. She felt my interest in shipwrecks may somehow actually bring one about. It did not.
4) If I could live in one country other than New Zealand it would be in Thailand. Or Alaska. Bugger, I can’t decide between the two. It would definitely be one of those two places.
5) My favourite colour is blue.
6) My favourite place is at the beach. Any beach, rain or shine. I LOVE the ocean. My husband does NOT love the pile sof driftwood and sea shells I bring home every time we go and which now litter the garage. As far as I’m concerned you can never have too much driftwood.
7) I hate horror movies. They scare the bejessus out of me.
8) I love to paint. Mostly sunsets and sunrises. Sidebar – Who can tell the difference between a sunset/sunrise in a photo or painting, honestly? Or is it just me who can’t?
9) I read every single day. Even if it’s just picking up a book I’ve already read and re-reading a favourite part when I have a spare five minutes.
10) My daughter Holly is by far, without a doubt, the best thing I have ever accomplished in my life. I have never known a love such as this.
Ok that’s enough of that. It’s now nearly 10.00pm and I really need to go to bed so I can get some shut eye before Holly starts waking me up for feeds/cuddles.
A quick list of blogs I love or who have supported me in one way or another. I will add to this as I can when I have had some sleep!
Also thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has bought the book so far! You guys are wonderful ♥ Thanks for helping me – Help Holly
Holly and I feel very loved :-)
And that’s because since I started this blog nearly 3 months ago we’ve had, according to the pretty little notification thing I just got, 500 likes! Just wanted to say thank you to each and every one of you who have dropped by this blog and supported my endeavours in one way or another. You’re all wonderful ♥ Mwah!
Congratulations on getting 500 total likes on Help me – help Holly.
Your current tally is 501.
